Have you ever been drawn to pity parties to make yourself feel better or to get attention? Disappointments in life can get you there in a heartbeat. No one gets through life without some adversity and negative thoughts that throws you for a loop. But wallowing in self-pity beyond the immediate disappointment is not likely to help.
To begin with, it won’t change the reality. If you lost a business opportunity, didn’t close the major deal you’d been working on, or missed a deadline that proved fatal to success, feeling sorry for yourself won’t change the facts. Mourn a little and move on.
People who have nurtured mental strength are able to look at a negative situation realistically and then put it aside and prepare for a new challenge. They don’t allow themselves to become mired in the aftermath of a failure. They don’t allow the perception that life is against them mature into a debilitating focus on the failure.
Focusing on the negative makes it grow out of all proportion. And the negative thoughts may blossom into negative actions. Or you may become so buried in negativity that you fail to act at all. Mentally strong people recognize the potential for becoming caught in the downward spiral and take steps to change their perspective.
Emotional states dictate how one perceives reality. It seems that there is no good at all in your life. Making a true assessment, you are likely to admit that your life isn’t all bad. Bad luck isn’t the only kind you experience. Your life isn’t really ruined unless you allow it to be. To change the reality, you have to change your all-negative perception.
Being mentally strong means you don’t allow negative thinking to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Monitor your thinking and when you find you are putting yourself down, opt for a positive thought. Every minute that you spend in negative thinking is one that you didn’t spend working on a solution to the present challenge.
Gratitude and self-pity can’t co-exist. Seeing the cup as at least half full will help you avoid the determination that life is rotten. Think of what you have, right down to the air you breathe and the abundance that you enjoy in hundreds of little ways and be grateful.
Helping others is a fool-proof way to climb out of the self-pity rut. There are many around you whose needs are greater. Even in America, there are homeless people who go to bed (if they can find one) hungry and afraid. Being mentally strong includes looking outside yourself and helping to make life better for someone else. There are community resources for finding out how you can best help. Use them.
Complaining to others about how pitifully unfair life is to you can only reinforce the false perception that is crippling you. Mentally strong individuals don’t depend on pity from others to make their lives work. They either act to change the negatives in their lives or they accept what can’t be changed and go in a new direction.
Retain an optimistic outlook. Life happens. There are natural and personal disasters that can’t be avoided, but they are only part of life. Tell yourself that you can handle whatever life throws your way. You’ll be surprised to find that you really can.
You build mental strength just like you build physical strength. You develop good habits by exercising, eating well and getting rid of bad habits. To build strong mental health, exercise positive thinking and treat yourself to a good helping of realistic self-imaging. Get rid of harmful mental habits, including self-pity.
If you feel you can’t do it on your own, find professional help or look in the stores or online for books, magazines and articles that can guide you toward the mental strength you desire. It’s worth the effort.